So what I’m about to talk about I’m not proud of. I had to sacrifice the depth of my relationship with my dad for the sake of my mental health. It’s about as much as it is me and my stepmom. More so because I don’t have a high stress tolerance unless I’m really into whatever is stressing me out, like ministry and video games. Perhaps I should be more into family? Ok, that’s a no brainer. I should be. It’s just that my dad has narcissistic traits and my stepmom is equally as manipulative and crass. Maybe some borderline traits with her? No idea on that one. I never dived deep enough on borderline or her past (or what parts of her past she’s told me that she’s stood by and didn’t gaslight me about). So I’m in the hospital, my dad tells me he’s working on a certificate in school. I’m out of the hospital for a year and that apparently never happened even though I have a clear memory about it and the staff even talked with me about it cause he told it to me on the phone. Likewise, he can’t even recognize me in a photograph from when I was a kid. He thinks I’m my brother in the photograph which also tells me he can’t recognize my brother either. My dad and stepmom frustrate me tremendously due to their insanity and my lack of ability to handle it. But don’t worry, I’m the only one with a problem. Not them. They just make excuses for their behavior. There’s a whole other story about how my family got broken up that varies depending on who’s telling it. I believe my mom’s side of the story cause of how much she has a head on her shoulders, but that’s a story for another day. The sacrifices I’ve made is spending time with my dad less, and having less deep conversations with him, to ensure I can keep the peace of The holy Spirit present in my life. I’m prone to fits of rage when i spend too much time with him. I really don’t like this fact since scripture also says to honor my father and mother, but how else am i going to avoid fits of rage when spending time with him when all the counseling in the past 20 years, including pastoral counseling, hasn’t helped our relationship? He’s stubborn as a mule and never needs to adjust himself. At least that’s how he used to be. I’m sure he’s done small stuff here and there, but the wounds that keeps us apart are very strong. While God’s intention is for families to stay together and prosper together, that can be very hard to realize. It’s not all doom and gloom though. He and I are going to work on my e-bike soon, so we will be able to bond over that. I don’t know sometimes. It’s hard. God bless and take care!